5 Types Of Shit Colleagues We Have To Deal With

I first got a taste of 'office politics' when I had a holiday job in a Japanese company. People were not happy with me because I didn't say 'bye bye' on the phone, or that I didn't place their letters on a more 'obvious' place on their table. Look dude, your table is only THAT big. It got me wondering why despite having years of education, some people simply lacks EQ.... until I realise EQ wasn't taught in school and your friends accept the way you are.

http://www.herworldplus.com/

(crap, I always dislike putting introduction before the 5 types, but it wouldn't make any sense otherwise).

1) The Wayang/Bootlicker

Similar to the 5 types of bosses, there is also the wayang employee. Normally they are the ones who reach the office first, talk to the boss the most and stop their wayang the moment the boss is off for holidays or medical leave.

These people are usually of no threat to you unless you are also vying for some form of promotion or if their wayang actions directly affects you. For example, if the wayang-er decides to embark on a major project, and you were somehow dragged into it... that's when you should be very very angry.

sgag.sg

I am going to use this example again because this is so excellent lol.

For example, if you are the grandfather in the bottom left of the picture, you should be very angry that you are doing taichi under the hot sun at 3.45pm. Makes more sense now?
The wayang knows that everyone can backstab him anytime given that he/she incurs everyone's wrath. So show distaste towards such person as often as you can and he/she will calibrate responses according to your mood.

2) The Gossiper

http://mrstrictlyintimate.wordpress.com/

Every office will have at least one of these people. It makes life more... interesting you know? You see, chances are you will not have a lot of common friends with your colleagues nor will you have a lot of common topics to talk about if your group of workmates range from age 20 to 60. What are you going to talk to that 60 year old grandmother when you are 20? The stresses of bring up your grandson?

So.
You.
Talk.
About.
People.
You.
Know.

Gossips in bite size are excellent time-killer, for those days where the internet connection is down or during your lunches.
People should ought to take these gossips in their stride.
Remember, we are not here to please 100% of the population, this can never be done, because I for one will tell you how much I dislike your eyes, nose, ears, mouth just so the statistics cannot be 100% :P
Oh, if you ever consider quitting because of some gossips, don't. Because it is an obvious admission that the gossip is true.

3) The Self-Interest First

Loads of other characteristics come under this wide category. It ranges from self-protection (cover ka-chng 'butt') to backstabbing people for progression. Everything that this person does is highly calculated for one reason or another so, be sure to think at least three moves before such a person in case you get targetted.

One common trait is the email cc.
More often than not, bosses are cc-ed into their email for the purpose of 'keeping them in the loop', but really it is a way to show the bosses how 'hardworking' they are, and that in case of trouble, they can and will effectively use these emails and say 'it wasn't me.' Make cc a common work practice in your workplace so that this no longer becomes special and one day your boss will scream at ALL of you to stop spamming his/her emails and peace will prevail! (until the next cc wave lol).

4) The Tai-chi Master

When you are paid $3000 to do 6 main task everyday, you sure wouldn't appreciate being told to do 2 additional main tasks because your colleague told the boss what 'an excellent and speedy worker you are' and promptly throws his/her stuff at you.

http://c3a.org.sg/

Oh before I lose you, one of the moves in Tai chi is something like the above, where tai chi practitioners will stretch/push their hands out. In workplace, it means 'I am pushing my work away from myself to someone else.'

There's no way around this, because your bosses are the best tai chi masters and you cannot overstep their authority. However, if a fellow minion has been sneakily trying to push work to you.
DO NOT DO THEM.
Or do them as slowly as you can, because YOUR responsibilities come first not theirs. If they cannot meet the deadline because of you, they will be mindful not to send their work to you in the future.
If they still do, be a temporary type III and cc your boss in, stating FYI, if you have a smart boss, he/she will know what's going on soon enough.

5) The Retard

With such people in your team, you will normally question your bosses' intelligence in the first instant.
Why the heck is a retard hired?
Such people bring the. whole. team. down.
He/She puts the team in such a negative light that it is almost embarrassing to be associated with the team.

http://www.e-forwards.com/

Indeed, 'smart' will be the very last word you will use to describe them. 

Spotting a retard is a very simple thing to do (unless you are one yourself).

These people almost, always spend time on inconsequential stuff (i.e. non-work stuff) such as Skyping people or forever sending FYI emails to show that they are helpful.

Sometimes, they will come up with random statements like 'I don't understand XYZ', or 'I never knew the purpose of us doing ABC at work.' usually after they have pass the 'newbie' stage and the things that they question are the very core of your jobscope. 

Because their intelligence level is low, they are extremely slow with their work and you will be forced to help them out in these instances. 

Too many examples here. 

In summary, they will do or say things that will make you question their intelligence.  

Because these people bring the team down, the best you can do is to dissociate yourself from such people as much as possible. There's no telling when will their stupidity kill you. 

Sadly, there is no way you can escape these bad characters. 

Here are two extreme ways you can cope with them:

a) Complete dissociation. 

b) Fight fire with fire. Go overboard with those actions, so that people who cannot stand it will give up. 

Remember, choose wisely because these choices may very well affect your promotion chances.

Kamikaze if and only if you cannot be bothered to climb the ladders.