5 Types Of Wedding Couples

I am of the age (sadly) where people start to get married left, right,centre and the number of wedding invitations you get equates the number of spam mails in your letterbox. Oh wait! Maybe these wedding invites are sp....

Anyway!
Looking at wedding couples from a guest's perspective, this is usually what I see...

1) Lights... Camera and... Calefare!

You know, the thing that I dread the most, is friends whom you haven't met for 5 years suddenly came up to you and say hi. Or maybe someone whom you weren't so close to at work suddenly talks to you as though you were BFFs.

99% of the time, they need some favours from you.
It could be things like
getting some data or intelligence about the company you are still working for
he/she has turned into an insurance agent (omg noooooooo)

or
simply
to invite you to his/her wedding.

http://asnika.info/super-storms-roundscom-blog-2/thunder-and-lightning-stormssuper-storms-roundscom-blog-wtsxtxh/

now this is how I usually felt when I realised, they just threw me a wedding bomb.
Hey, I am not stupid okay?
I know very well what's my role in your wedding.
It was never about my blessing, it is always about how deep my pockets are.

You see, we have this custom (the Chinese), to host a wedding dinner.
The bigger or grander it is, the more 'face' you have.
It's like a show-off event where parents show off their kids and the couple show off their wealth.
At least this is how it feels like when you are not in the 'inner circle'.

It used to be that guests put any amount into the angbao as a 'blessing' for the newlyweds.
Now for some reasons, a new trend started from nowhere, where people started to share 'market rates' for angbaos and guests have to write their name on the angbao.

What a money-minded society!
Something like this

So do us a favour ok? If you don't have that many close friends, then don't have such a grand wedding.
If you don't have any friends at all, maybe go reflect on why and perhaps do a buffet outside your house or do it at the void deck. Your 'face' is none of my concern.

2) The Credit Card Applicant

http://myprospera.wordpress.com/

Now during the wedding preparation, there are tons of things to do.
Actually scratch that. There's not a lot of things to do, is just human complicating things and thinking that they need to have every.single.thing.

So this ranges from the fairly basic corsage, flowers to something more challenging like food tasting, wedding locations, wedding gowns etc.

All of these require money. Especially your honeymoon package and photoshoots.
At times like these credit cards is the newlyweds' best friends.
Not sure about other countries, but credit cards in Singapore have decent rebates and cashbacks.
So it is usually during this time, you will see newlyweds making a mad scramble for new credit cards just so they can 'save' as much as possible.

Someone ought to remind them that the best way to save, is not to spend.
For example, do you really need a flower pinned onto the bridesmaid dress when you got them a corsage AND a hand bouquet?

3) Hey, so did you have plastic surgery or something?

With the advent of Facebook, people are busy posting bridal shots in hopes of getting many likes (ok, I think after this paragraph, everyone will start to block me from seeing their shots). Conversely people who are not close to you (why did you add them as friends on Facebook?) take pleasure in viewing those photos as well.

More often than not though, I find it hilarious how people look completely different inside those shots.
It's like makeover shots right? Some people, like the lady below turn out awesome. Some poor souls though, I don't even know how to begin describing. Either your studio hires cheap labour to do photoshop or they have a very weird definition of beauty. Most guys for example, will have their pimple holes filled, which is perfectly fine, except that their whole face get 'liquify' and that become super gay. As for girls.. they generally look okay, thankfully, unless of course if they choose the wrong dress.

http://www.lux-limo.co.uk/

4) Why do the bridesmaids look ugly?

http://living.msn.com/style-beauty/wedding-style/ugly-bridesmaid-dresses#2

Would you look at that! Such a mean bride, making her bridesmaids dress like nuns.

In fact some bridezilla go on to choose ugly, fat bridesmaids so that she will look extra beautiful on her special day. Poor people, I can't imagine standing beside the bride parading in something ugly for everyone to see. 

Ok I realise this paragraph is very short, but I think there's no need to elaborate on the ugliness of some dress (or some brides).

5) The Breakup

http://phandroid.com/2013/02/12/virgin-breakup-day-deal/

Marriage, is a union of two families (a bullshit which I refuse to believe by the way, so I am not going to let this bother me), so if the two families disagrees with each others' demands.... SHIT HITS FAN!
Also, some newlyweds get stressed out by those self-imposed unwritten 'norms' like having a wedding dinner for example.

Anyway, so along the way, people get stressed, breakdown and for some strange reason decided that the other half is not meant to be because the couple didn't go through with the wedding planning 'together'. I mean, if you call off the wedding because you are sure that you don't love that someone, sure. But if you are together for 5 years and suddenly decided he's not the one for you simple because he didn't care enough to pick your dress or taste the cake, that's ridiculous.

Do us a favour ok? Be very sure who you want to marry, don't make us block off a day for your wedding and waste our time.

Ok so... if your wedding is coming up, please remember to keep calm and plan on (and maybe not invite me?) Thanks :)